I've been a little weird lately. Maybe it's hormonal. Maybe it's a chemical imbalance. Maybe I need drugs besides just vitamins. I don't know. James gave me some new music for Christmas, including a John Mayer album that I had, but had lost. I've had it in my car this week and have been listening to this particular song in a more contemplative way. I liked the song before, but now it puts me into this strange melancholy mood.
Life is changing, for the best of course, but just changing. I worry about our baby (who hopefully after tomorrow will no longer be gender-neutral to the outside world). I worry about my grandparents. I got all choked up one morning driving to school at the line "Don't know how else to say it, don't want to see my parents go." I don’t think it was a reaction to my parents necessarily, but my grandparents, or rather my grandmas. One is definitely looking after me and taking care of things on the other side, but I don't know how I'll ever cope with the other one leaving.
Life just keeps moving and I guess I hope that I’m doing the best that I can and doing what I should be doing. It just seems like there’s more to accomplish in one day than is humanly possible and yet, are all of the things on my “to do” list really things I should be doing. Are my priorities straight? I don’t know anymore.
Stop This Train lyrics
No I'm not color blind
I know the world is black and white
Try to keep an open mind but...
I just can't sleep on this tonight
Stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly won't someone stop this train
Don't know how else to say it, don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own
Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't but honestly won't someone stop this train
So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find a way to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said help me understand
He said turn 68, you'll renegotiate
Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train
Once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.
Singing stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take this speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train
2 comments:
It's definitely the hormones. When I was preggo with Reagan I would inevitably end up in tears on my way to work after hearing a song that reminded me of something touching.
I think we just have to be grateful that we have such amazing relationships with our Grandparents. I miss my Grandma all of the time, but also feel so lucky that I was able to have her in my life for 26 years.
AND... I was going to comment on the last post, but didn't get to it in time. Just wait until you start showing, and random strangers approach you and try to touch your stomach. Talk about Awkward. This happened to me several times and each time I totally flipped out! The fact that your belly is bigger does not mean that you have lost personal space, it means you have gained it! I seriously contemplated getting a t-shirt that said: "do not touch". So, just wait. The best is yet to come.
No matter what age - or state you are in - I think you can blame it on hormones.....I know I do! Aunt Cindy
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