It is autumn. Some call it fall. Either way, it is a season of leaves. Today, on my way home from work I decided to stop by my G-ma and G-pa's to see how their leaves were doing. They were doing swell . . . all 1,000,000 of them. It was time to rake again. I went in to say hello to G-ma first, but she was not at home. Instead there were two young, strong, able-bodied boys there . . . let's call them Warker and Pillie . . . but names aren't important. These two strapping young chaps were sitting and staring at different TV's. One was eating. One or the other had made a the hallway smell quite potent. There was work to be done outside and by ding dangy these boys were going to help!
I gave them quite the teacher lecture on how they needed to get outside and get to work. They laughed. They mocked me. I threatened them with wet willie's and told them I would call their mother's if I needed to. Finally one guiltily put his shoes on a met me outside holding foam paint brushes and pretended to paint me. "Will these work on the leaves?" he asked.
The next 30-45 minutes were difficult to say the least. "Ok, you hold the bag and I'll shovel. Please hold the bag open. I can't put the leaves in the bag unless you hold it open. Would you like to switch and I'll hold the bag? Ok. When you shovel, please try to actually get the leaves in the bag. Do you think you could pick up more than one leaf at a time."
In the meantime G-ma and cousin Meranda had come home from the store. They had a project of their own inside to work on. Also, the other able-bodied boy had come outside to see what was going on. One was shoveling with me. The other was raking leaves into larger piles on the rest of the lawn. Momentarily, things were going well! Momentarily . . .
"I want the rake."
"I want the shovel."
"You can't have it."
"You can't have it either."
"Boys . . . I'm holding the bag still. Someone needs to come shovel." Stares.
"I want to rake the leaves now." One boy starts to "rake" the leaves with his plastic snow shovel in the territory of the other boy.
"These are my leaves. Leave them alone."
"I want to rake the leaves."
A battle ensues. Plastic shovel and plastic leaf rake are used as medieval swords. Bang. Clang.
"Leave my leaves alone."
"No."
One of the boys goes to the other boys neat piles of leaves and scatters them everywhere.
* * *
Somehow over the course of the next few minutes the able-bodied boys decide to join forces against the mean and awful Haley. They are determined that no one will put these leaves in a bag. They clean up the previous mess and move all the leaves into 2 larger piles. Then what do they do? The big lugs lay down in the leaves and stake their claim to them. "Nobody can touch our leaves."
This was turning more futile by the minute. I went to plan B - the lawnmower. It is the best way to vacuum up the remaining leaves. I thought I could just mow around lugs laying in the leaves. Eventually they would give in and then we'd finish up.
I start up the mower. One boy leaves his leaves and runs to me. "I want to mow."
"Sorry," I say. "You haven't done anything else, so I'll mow."
Boy slaps me on the back. I try to grab him by the arm, but he moves. Boy then tries to grab lawnmower from me. I push him aside. He hits me again. Grrrrrrrrr. I am getting mad. The other boy is still laying in his pile.
By this time the G-ma herself had come outside. "Come here you two." I continue to mow. The boys walk slowly over to G-ma. They then walk back to the leaves. One holds the bag. The other shovels. They frown. They glare at me. But, the leaves are finally being put in the bag!
* * *
Fast forward to the end of the story now . . . The able-bodied boys soon after filling one bag, disappeared. I finished mowing. Meranda had finished helping Grandma with a project inside and then came outside to finish shoveling leaves into the last bag.
It is autumn. Some call it fall. Either way, it is a season of leaves.
