Avoidance and Uncertainty

Avoidance and Uncertainty . . . those are the words of the moment.

I am blogging because of the first word. I have homework to do and I don't want to do it. The next assignment is to complete a 4 hour online training on ethical research practices. Sounds exciting, doesn't it? I've be trying to start it for about an hour and a half and all I can think of is 4 HOURS!!!! Ugh. The first part requires reading some long report from the "The National Commission for the Protection of Human Subjects of Biomedical and Behavioral Research." Huh?

I DON'T WANT TO DO IT! Ugh, again!

This leads me to what I've been thinking about lately and that is uncertainty. I like to plan. My mom's license plate holder says "plan for the future," and I can't help but think that has a lot to do with why I am a little weird. I don't think the words "Haley" and "spontaneous" have ever been used in the same sentence. I can adapt if I have to, but I'd rather play out all the options in my head first. It's much less stressful that way.

So what is uncertain?

- Job. I have one. I should be there in August, too. James has one - being a student - but it doesn't pay much. Will he be able to find a job this summer? I am sure that he will, but I don't know for sure or where or when. It is uncertain.

- St. George. James has finally been offered a slot for a promotion in the Guard, but it would require driving to St. George for drill. It could be a temporary thing (several months) or it could be a fairly permanent thing (next 6-7 years). Driving far seems to be the only downside, but he is hesitant to take it and I'm not sure why. He'd like to get a commission and retire from the Guard as an officer, but there are several things he would have to accomplish once graduating this Spring. Also, he would maybe have to go to OCS - Officer Candidate School - or he could maybe direct commission and skip that. He could potentially find a medical slot or he could end up being in a mechanic slot. He's considered joining the Army Reserve or even the Air Force Reserve when his contract is up in a year. He thinks the opportunities there would be better, although it may increase his chance of deployment. Then again, he could get deployed just as well in the Guard. Then again, again, maybe he'll get out in a year. Can he get a high enough ASVAB score to even make any of this possible. I know things will work out, but it is all very uncertain.

- Baby. We are having one. Is there anything certain about that? Finals week for both of us ends with James' graduation on May 6th and 7th. That's a Thursday and Friday. The baby's due date is the following Monday, May 10th. James isn't getting out of walking at his graduation even if I can't be there. How will things fall into place if the baby comes early. How do you plan for a long-term substitute? Who will tend my baby while I'm working? James, Annie, my mom's neighbor? My school has an infant daycare, but I'm only on a waiting list. How do you plan to give up your kid every day before they are even born? Ugh. It is all very uncertain.

- House. We would like to buy a new one. It needs to have at least a third bedroom, a yard, and a garage, maybe even a bigger kitchen and a family room. It's a good time to buy and realty experts are predicting that it's not going to change anytime in the immediate future. It's a bad time to sell, however. How long will we have to wait and leave ours on the market before it sells? Where will we go between selling ours and buying another one? When will we start this process? We won't even list it until James is employed somewhere, but then what's the timeline? Assuming the buying and selling part goes okay, where in the world do we even want to live? It is all very uncertain.

- Others. There are a variety of other things that I could put on this list, but I'll spare the blog world of more uncertainties. Also, it's 10:40 p.m. and I think I'm going to give up on ethical research for this evening and go to bed. One thing is for certain . . . I am tired.