Come Thou Fount

I have always really liked the song, "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing."  I think it is a beautiful melody and people cover it with great harmonies.  I think I first heard it when I heard Nickle Creek sing it as an encore once.  My favorite Tabernacle Choir album is the one with all the Americana songs on it and that album includes "Fount."

I do NOT like to use the word "trials."  It is right up there with "epic," "moist," "Cali," "YOLO," and other dumb words on the Haley-Annie-and-Willie-List-of-Words-To-Never-Use.  However, sometimes things are just hard.

This week I may have written in an e-mail to my mother and even said out loud that I believe God gives us what we can handle, but I honestly don't think I could handle any more.  I've prayed.  I've read.  I've even shed a few tears.

Tonight while sitting with Jack until he fell asleep, an instrumental version of "Come Thou Fount" came on my phone amidst the quiet, sleeping songs.  After he was asleep, I decided to look up the words. I've always like the song, but never really understood what it was talking about until now.  Holy cow! The words to this song are amazing.  This song just gave me some clarity.  I was on the brink of not being able to handle one more thing, but that was it.  I was given some mercy and brought back from the brink.  The test is far from over, but I think I just passed a big section of it.

I was never very good at interpreting poetry, but here are the lyrics with my annotations.

Come thou fount of every blessing -Blessings run like fountains, we just need to notice how freely they are running.  
Tune my heart to sing thy grace - Like an instrument, our hearts need a little tuning in order to be grateful for thy blessings.
Streams of mercy never ceasing - Just like the blessings, the Lord is streaming mercy upon us.  We just have to recognize it.
Call for songs of loudest praise - Those streams of mercy and founts of blessings deserve very loud and deliberate praise
Teach me some melodious sonnet
Sung by flaming tongues above - Wow!  Teach me what I still need to know, even sonnets sung by flaming tongues.  This song is a metaphor for how we can be tuned, played, sung like a fine piece of music or a well-played instrument.
I'll praise the mount I'm fixed upon it
Mount of thy redeeming love

Here I raise my Ebenezer - I always think of "raising my Ebenezer" as that famous photograph of raising the flag at Iwo Jima. We did it!  Success!
Hither by thy help I come -  . . . But it wasn't without a lot of blood, sweat, and tears.  Plus, after that flag was raised, the troubles at Iwo Jima had only just started.  Yet, the photograph of the flag ultimately meant victory and has stood the test of time.
And I hope by thy good pleasure
Safely to arrive at home - This reminds me of a little kid's prayer.  Every Sunday in primary, the children in their opening and closing prayers almost always pray to "get home safely."  It is such a simple and silly thing to pray for yet, it is really all we want, right?  Do you day's work and return home safely to your family.  Do you life's work and return, with your family, to your Father In Heaven.  

Jesus sought me when a stranger
Wondering from the fold of God - Is it "wondering" or "wandering?"  I don't think I've ever "wandered" from Christ, but I have definitely "wondered" away a time or two and  . . . 
He, to rescue me from danger
Interposed His precious blood -  . . . I always come back, rescued if you will. 

O to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee - A "Fetter" is like an ankle chain for a prisoner.  Goodness acts like a fetter to bind us to Christ.  How cool is  it that we are "imprisoned" by goodness.  Sounds like a terrible punishment, right?
Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above - Give your heart, give your all to thee, and your eternity is sealed.  You did it!


 

There are lots of nice versions of this song, but I think I still like this one best.

Book Reviews

I've had some issues with my blog and while cleaning it up, I found this post that I'd never finished. The following are brief book reviews of books I read over the summer.  I haven't picked up a book (or rather opened the library app on my phone) since then.

Gone Girl  by Gillina Flynn

Yucky!  I didn't finish it and wouldn't recommend it.  A student of mine actually told me to read it.  We were talking about John Green books and she said if I liked those, I'd really like this one.  Um . . . no.

I liked it at first.  It was a Grishamy crime story where the reader tries to solve the case of the missing wife.  About a third of the way through, it started to get weird and a little inappropriate.

We were driving to Vernal and I mentioned what I was reading to James.  He said, "Isn't that the creepy Ben Affleck movie?"  I had no idea what he was talking about because I often live in a bubble (at least where movies are concerned).  I looked it up and read a synopsis.  I put down the book and decided it was not worth my time.

Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck

It's a classic.  It's short.  I read it in a couple of days.  I've read it at least once or twice before, but (spoiler alert) I totally forgot George kills Lennie at the end. I was sad.  I really wish they had found a place to live on there own and that Lennie didn't have to be in the situation he was in.  George was such a nice guy for looking after Lennie.  I'm not sure what came of George afterwards.  Did he go to jail?  Did he just move on to the next place?  I bet he never forgave himself for what happened.  Yet, he really didn't have a lot of options.  Did this take place during the Great Depression?  I kind of felt like the family in the Grapes of Wrath could have driven down the dirt road and past right by Lennie and George at any point in the book.

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

This really is probably my most favorite book ever.  I have read it several times, but not for years.  I decided to read it this past summer in anticipation of the release of Go Set A Watchman.  I was not disappointed by my rereading.

I think what I like most about Mockingbird is the independence and uprightness of Atticus Finch.  He is a wonderful father, a hard worker, an honest man, and an absolute defender of truth and integrity.  There really isn't any better character out there.

What I learn from this book is 1) to try and be just a little bit like Atticus.  Be brave, courageous, and upstanding.  If the world had more people like him, we would be a much better place.  2) Get along with people of all types.  It's totally ok to think people are different or maybe even a little weird, but you still need to be kind and respectful to everyone.  I think you can learn as much from the courtroom drama in the story as you can with Scout's interactions with her neighbors and other townspeople.  3) Ever neighborhood has a Boo Radley.  Be nice to them, too.  They might save your life one day.

“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view … until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” - Atticus Finch

"Atticus had said it was the polite thing to talk to people about what they were interested in, not about what you were interested in." - Scout Finch

Go Set A Watchman by Harper Lee

This book stressed me out.  I read a ton of reviews about it before and after I read it.  I'm not sure what I was supposed to get out of it.  I liked the style of writing and I liked that it had some absolutely hilarious parts in some of the flashbacks of Scout, Jem, and Dill.  It bothered me that Atticus was not the character I thought he should be.  I guess that's what Scout thought, too.

There was a lot of controversy about whether this book was actually even supposed to be published.  Was it an early draft of Mockingbird?  Was it unfinished?  I even read that some bookstores were giving refunds because people were disappointed.  Yet, I talked to one teacher at school who thought it was perfect.  Atticus was the "watchman" to make sure that people (of all colors) didn't get too much power too quickly or ruin what might be in their best interest.  I didn't really agree with her point of view.  I mostly agreed with Scout and was glad that she finally told her dad how she felt, despite the fact that is was really disrespectful.

I had a conversation with my Grandpa a few months ago.  I had mentioned something that I had read in the Salt Lake Tribune and he snapped that I shouldn't be reading that paper because it is "anti-Mormon."  I responded, respectfully, that I felt like the Deseret News tells only Mormon news and sometimes I needed news that was simply more than Mormon news.  We then changed subjects to something else. I share this example not to talk about newspapers, but to share an experience that shows how my grandpa and I have very different frames of reference.  I love my Grandpa and have the utmost respect and admiration for him, but that doesn't mean I have to agree with his political and social ideas.  He has 86 years of experience that I don't have, but I do have 13 years of experience in the public school classroom where I've grown to learn about and respect kids from all walks of life. I feel like (though this is a very minor example) reading only the Deseret News does not give me a very wide spectrum of thought (nor does the Trib, really, which is why I'm not talking about just newspapers here).  Through this experience, I felt a little bit like Scout and her relationship with Atticus.  The man who could do or think no wrong while she was a child, has changed.  Or perhaps he hasn't changed, but instead she has.  Nonetheless, their relationship, life experiences, and opinions of social and political matters have drifted apart and that causes tension.  Atticus is still very honest, upstanding, and respectable, but not in the same way Scout wants him to be.

I think I may have to read this one again this next summer.

Photo Test

I have been having photo issues.  This is a test.  Can you see it?

Christmas Celebrations

We celebrated Christmas.  It went something like this:

We went to see the lights at Temple Square.  We rode the train.  It was cold, but we were prepared.

I got cool mittens from Lithuania and we got to talk to the big Lithuanian iggy.

We drove to Garland and since we picked up Uncle Jason we got to take this cool picture of the three of us in the back seat.

Here are all of the Binggeli grandkids except for Preslee. Preslee was there, but was laying on the floor of the living room playing.  You know, she she's like 5 months old and not quite ready to sit at the table.

Despite the frigid temperatures, the kids had to take a few trips down Grandpa's snowy slide. 

I tried to take picture of the kids in their new Sunday digs, but that proved to be a challenge.  Here are the best attempts.  I particularly like Molly's sad-little-orphan-mourning-something's-death face in the Christmas tree picture.

We tended Beau one day.

We went bowling to celebrate Uncle Willie's 21st birthday.  Unfortunately, he was not able to attend.

We spent some quality time in the basement

Boogity Iggity Stressed Out Mamma!

What do you do late on Friday nights?

I fix my blog and watch Sara Bareilles videos on youtube.  She has a bit of a potty mouth on the youtube, though, so sometimes I skip around.  I like this one.

I may have had a mini meltdown tonight.  You know . . .  the usual . . .  kids spilled "warm hot chocolate" all over the living room floor; the black ink suddenly goes out in the printer and my ever procrastinating husband tells me I shouldn't have waited until the night before I needed to print something.  Those two things were the icing on the cake, the straw that broke the camels back, the final straw, the moment when all the crap hits the fat . . . you get it?!?

I did what any rational thinking lunatic mother would do . . . I yelled, I spanked, I yelled some more, I may have sworn a Hoover/Boulder which was then repeated by a 5 year old while giggling, never taking me seriously . . . and then I left, by myself, to Walmart (for ink).  Grrrrrr . . . .

I came back.  I apologized.  I put Jack to bed (Molly was already out cold).

The Utes won while I was in Wal-Mart.  That was good.

I worked all day giving a test that kids may or may not have done well on.  I should have been super productive while they were testing, but really it's hard to be.  I only took away one phone dialed up on a math website during the test.  There were probably others I missed.  Sophomores act like I've ruined their lives and eaten all their stake when really all I want to know is if they've learned anything.  Tests are part of life.  Get over it.  I helped a girl after school for an hour or so.  I think she'll pass.  She said she hasn't passed math since 8th grade. This might be the term!  

We stopped for gas and slushies.  We came home. I shoveled the tire marks in the driveway to prevent major ice paths.  I left the rest of the snow for James to blow.  I fixed dinner, put snow clothes on one kid and started Rescue Bots for the other kid.  I started a load of wash, went through the mail, balanced the spreadsheet checkbook to see if we have any money (I'm $40 off, by the way, but didn't have the patience to figure out why), and then tried to print the basketball score sheets that I need for basketball tomorrow morning.  

Stress gets to me.  I have chest pains that I haven't had in years.  I worry about stuff.  I worry about other people's stuff.  I feel like my brain is filled to capacity with things I am supposed to do, keep track of, pay attention to, worry about, not worry about, take care of, not take care of . . . blah.  

I, I, I  . . . . that's what this blog post is sounding like while I write this, so I may just delete the post.

I am very grateful.  Some days just get to you.  The Lord knows what we can handle.  I guess what I am handling is what I can supposedly handle.  Other people I know have other crazy stuff going on.  I don't want their stuff.  I'll take my own stuff.

Hey . . . Look at Neil Young with a beard.  It hardly looks like him.  He should have had a beard his whole life!